#PerfectLove ... #AConfidentHeart ... #YestoGod
Going over the study at the end of chapter one, I've realized I've lived with doubt and insecurity for most of my growing up. See, I had an abusive stepfather. He was just downright nasty sometimes... He called me worthless, good-for-nothing, and so much more. But when I look back on all of it, now, as I'm building this relationship with God, I know that it was nothing. God has #perfectlove for all of us!
My earliest memories of doubt or feelings of insecurity were not only my "worthless" days, but I was in an accident the week before I started fifth grade that left me wheelchair bound for a better part of six weeks. Six weeks to an eleven year old is like an eternity! There were so many things that it left me unable to do. I got picked on and teased because I became the "Teacher's Pet" in school. Moving on with my life, things at home started to get worse because I was now also taking care of my baby brother. You see, my mom worked. A LOT. She sometimes held down three jobs. Her husband, however, only worked one. He would go out a lot, and that left me with the baby. My brother was born when I was 9. I helped raise him until I was 17, when I left my mother's house because I couldn't take the abuse anymore. With the doubt and insecurity ingrained into me, it shaped me to be timid and shy. I never branched out with job interviews because I was afraid that I would fail. Doubt whispered to me time and time again that "I can't do this" or "It's too hard". I believed the nagging voice of doubt. Looking back on these days, I know that God was present in my life because I'm still here. I'm still alive. I've made choices to not end up in that scenario again. While it was overwhelming and frustrating, I know that had I had a better relationship with God at that young age, I may have been stronger. But God knows all of our stories. He knows all of our troubles. Now, the verse that sticks with me most is: I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. (Philippeans 4:13)
God knows my past. He knows the doubt, negativity, and insecurity I've always faced. No matter what my trouble is, I know that God loves me. YES ME! and it is a #perfectLOVE . I know he knows I exist. He knows me by name! When I'm shadowed with doubt or loneliness anymore, I turn to Him. I know that Jesus loves me!